Lesson to self: Don’t drink that much ever again lmao

Growth

Every day I’ve woken up and wondered how life would be if I didn’t do certain things. And where we would be. It’s made me miserable every minute of the past month. But today I realized that everything will get better. That because I’m willing to accept mistakes and learn from them, I’ll always be ahead. This feeling of wanting someone new has begun to feel like something I’ll never fulfill. But no one but myself is this new person I’m searching for. I’m not sure who I will be. But I can only become a better me. So I know I can only have a better life and I don’t need anyone to make me feel happy. Happiness does not come from others. It comes from within and if you are not happy with yourself how can other things make you happy? For you will not be happy from these things, but only satisfied with them enough to cover up what you’re pushing down. I figured out I don’t need you. I never did. What I needed was to be happy with myself. I was beginning to wonder why people were not surrounding me like they dd before all this. It’s because I wasn’t me. I was happier without you. Blinded by love is what you can call it. Well without you, I feel this happiness, this confidence I found I’ve been missing. It feels good. I found that new person. That new person is better than I used to be and will continue to grow into a better person. I hope the best for you, because it’s obvious that you’re not happy with yourself. Live life happy with yourself. Because if you live life trying to be happy for someone who won’t give the same, you’ll be nothing but a bitter person with pent up anger waiting to explode. You are that bitter person. And I feel sorry for you. Because you are concerned with what others see of you. Not of what you see in yourself. Maybe one day you will open your blue eyes into what you are. Until then you can continue to be bitter and angry. And you can continue to cover it up with a nice smile and nice clothes and humor that really are nothing more but your actual thoughts of people. But you will never find inner peace or happiness. For that I am truly sorry. But for me, I am truly happy again.

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.
Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.

It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us.
We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant,
gorgeous, handsome, talented and fabulous?

Your playing small does not serve the world.
There is nothing enlightened about shrinking
so that other people won’t feel insecure around you.
We are all meant to shine, as children do.

We were born to make manifest the glory of God within us.
It is not just in some; it is in everyone.

And, as we let our own light shine, we consciously give
other people permission to do the same.
As we are liberated from our fear,
our presence automatically liberates others.

Weed is like the sweetest joy next to getting pussy.

Pslam 23:4 (via krippykat)

(via krippykat-deactivated20130612)

So, I found this got me an A in English for a poetry writing, but I don’t think its very good poetry. I also feel it doesn’t even scratch was really goes through my mind at time. 

I lay in bed,

Thinking myself into a deeper pit,

 A pit with walls sheer as cliffs.

 I’m left alone to my own hell,

 Where I create my own crimes,

Sentences and tortures with my vivid thoughts.

 Sometimes nightmares are more welcome.

 I look into the blackness of my room,

 And compare it to my thoughts that chain me down in depression.

 I wonder where did all this light come from?

It’s my own decisions of non-rational thinking that has snuffed my light of happiness,

So now I lay here,

 Wondering where I went wrong,

 Continuously haunted by the demons of my own thoughts,

 Waiting,

 Endlessly hoping for a savior,

But to no surprise there isn’t one.

 Just me,

 Like always.

So, I found this got me an A in English for a poetry writing, but I don’t think its very good poetry. I also feel it doesn’t even scratch was really goes through my mind at time. 

I lay in bed,

Thinking myself into a deeper pit,

 A pit with walls sheer as cliffs.

 I’m left alone to my own hell,

 Where I create my own crimes,

Sentences and tortures with my vivid thoughts.

 Sometimes nightmares are more welcome.

 I look into the blackness of my room,

 And compare it to my thoughts that chain me down in depression.

 I wonder where did all this light come from?

It’s my own decisions of non-rational thinking that has snuffed my light of happiness,

So now I lay here,

 Wondering where I went wrong,

 Continuously haunted by the demons of my own thoughts,

 Waiting,

 Endlessly hoping for a savior,

But to no surprise there isn’t one.

 Just me,

 Like always.

Follow me up on twitter! @Peanut_mann

Songs been stuck in my head all day.

Five Finger Death Punch Far From Home (by Longlivemetal13)